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Meeting your inner child through regression therapy

Updated: Jul 12


Man and boy at the beach at sunset

It was late on Christmas eve and the fighting had escalated, fueled by alcohol, anger and vengeance. He had every right to bring the kids their Christmas presents. They were his kids too. Shame he hadn’t been thinking about his kids when he threw his job away and drank away the rent money. Call himself a man. He wouldn’t have done so if she was a better wife …


As the fighting escalated, the young boy hid in his room, listening to every raised voice and fearful for every silence. Wondering if this was the time when …


Little did he know that this memory was being seared into his mind, embedding deeper with every shout, noise and silent pause. Little did he know that these moments would also come to drive his adult life; his insomnia, his restlessness and his inability to relax, his relationships and his need to seek solace in overwork and alcohol. It would also encourage him to forge a career involving human conflict. Driven by the need to keep the peace.


But just then Tom* walked in. 50, tall and distinguished looking. He went straight to the boy, knelt down and held him tight. As the boy relaxed, Tom wept. For the first time in years, he wept. In between great shuddering sobs he told the boy how loved he was, how special he was and that everything was going to be ok now. He was safe. All of the fighting would stop now. It would all be different. He was here to put things right. He continued to hold the boy tight.


Eventually Tom was able to compose himself enough to pause and take a look at the boy. He was 6, with a mop of blond curls and a cheeky grin. He was, as Tom would later describe, just perfect. Tom held him close again, knowing that this perfection was slowly being destroyed by the constant drip of adult dysfunction. The childhood curiosity, vitality and wonder being gradually replaced by fear, sadness and shame. Tom thought about his own children and how he would willingly die for them. The realization of the extent of his love for this sweet young boy overwhelmed him again.


When the tears finally slowed, Tom stood up. He took the boy by the hand and walked him downstairs and out of the house. As they walked down the street the sun came out. They stopped at the nearby park and kicked a football ball about. Tom laughed and the boy laughed. Tom made big dramatic attempts, but never quite managed to save any of the boy’s goals. They both celebrated wildly with each goal scored, running around, dancing and hugging. Both delighting in this simple, safe moment. The boy felt different now that Tom was here. His fear had gone. He felt safe and protected. If Tom could stay, then everything would be different. Everything would be ok. Tom made it all right. He shouted with delight as Tom missed another goal.


Tom left the boy with an iPad in his car. He returned to the house and walked in. His entrance stopped the couple mid-sentence. They lowered their raised hands and fell silent, staring at him. Tom strode across the room, switched on the lights and opened up a window to bring in some fresh air. He walked into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Looking back at the couple, he noticed just how young they were. They were only kids themselves. He’d seen so many like them in his line of work.  Just another inexperienced young couple without sufficient support or life experience. He took in the room; the sparse 70s furniture, the faded worn carpets and the brown patterned wallpaper. With strong coffee handed out, he sat them down and started the talking. They were so sorry. They never considered the impact they were having on the kids. The pressures just got so great. It was the strikes. So many households were on the breadline. They didn’t know any different.


Tom saw couples just like this, week in and week out. He knew it was fueled by ignorance, lack of support and poor life choices. They just didn’t have any better ways to handle things. He thought about the absolute love that he felt for his own wife and kids. All he felt now for this young couple, was pity. He understood them. At the knock, he opened the front door and invited in the marriage counsellor. He left all 3 quietly talking together and returned to the boy. Where did he want to go?


Inner child work allows you to change the colour of the lens that you’ve used to view life

Within an instant they found themselves standing in the ruins of a magnificent ancient castle. They relaxed there for a few moments, taking in its splendour. Feeling the special protecting support of his chosen items; a red cloak of courage, a silver sword of strength and a yellow ball of love, and with Tom’s hand on his shoulder, the boy invited in his dad and faced up to him. He began to say the things that he couldn’t or didn’t say at that time. He talked about the feelings of dread on a weekend, the anger and the disappointment. He talked about his fears for his mum and sisters. He talked about the shame that seeped into everything.


Dad listened with his head in his hands and wept. He apologized profusely. He just didn’t know the impact. He didn’t know how to manage his own anger or how to do things better. The boy realized that his dad was also weighed down with same fear, shame and self-doubt too. He realized that the same fragility was there, deeply embedded along the male line of the family. The boy broke off a piece of the yellow ball of love and handed it over to him. A gift. Dad smiled, wiping the tears away. The boy smiled too. He understood now. They both understood. They embraced, before dad nodded and then silently walked away into the mist.

 

With his eyes still shut and his face still wet with tears, Tom’s journey into his past continued. In a state of relaxed inner focus, as if it were happening in that moment, he met other members of his family, he met his entire ancestral line and with his new understanding, awareness and adult perspective, he visited other key memories from his past too. Each one being reframed in a way that would allow him to perceive them differently, to change the associations, to let each one go. None of them had any hold over him anymore.


The past doesn’t have to continue to impact the future. Relive it, reframe it and release it to restore a brighter future

2 weeks later a bright-eyed Tom returned, bouncing onto the Zoom call. Gone was the weariness that had dulled his eyes and spirit, replaced instead by a new vibrancy and energy. Feeling like he had shed 30lbs, he had returned back to cycling again, an activity he had stopped years ago when the apathy had got too much. Excitedly he told me about the family holiday they were planning for later in the year. About the jobs around the house that he had finally got done. He’d even decorated the lounge. The kids were happy, his wife was happy, but more importantly for the first time in as long as he could remember, he felt happy too. A huge weight had been lifted. He’d spent time reflecting on his job too. He had plans to move into a different role. A more suitable role now. One that was more in alignment with the new him.


The look on Tom’s face and the light in his eyes and voice, was all the feedback I needed. From now on, things were going to be very different for Tom. And for Tom’s inner child too.  


 

 

What is inner child therapy?


Inner child work is one aspect of regression therapy. It is often a nourishing, nurturing and transformative experience, bringing a newfound understanding and association around past hurts.  Within a state of relaxed, inwardly focused attention, you can relive, reframe and release the past, helping you to rapidly change the color of the lens that you’ve been using to view life. Healing old scars from the past that have been driving  reactions, thoughts, feelings, behaviors and actions, often without conscious awareness.


Inner child work can often unleash a new vitality for life. Releasing the pressure cooker lid on that anger, fear or shame, often provides a new source of energy and enthusiasm for life. Apathy disappears, confidence increases, conversations begin, gym memberships get used, flights get booked, walls get decorated and jobs get changed. Good things happens when you're no longer anchored to the past.


Inner child and regression therapy for minor trauma


Sometimes it can be seemingly inconsequential childhood events that can cause problems later on in life. Being shouted at for speaking when the grown ups are talking, not being picked for the sports team, being left alone at the school gates when Mum was late again. These milder life experiences just occurred at a time when the young mind wasn’t able to cope or process adequately, so they get laid down in the memory as traumatic, creating negative associations and future impact. Sometimes it can be the little memory that hasn’t been thought about in years, that needs exploring.


Combining inner child work with other therapies?


Agnostic therapeutic past life regression, current life regression, inner child work and parts therapy (similar to Internal Family Systems therapy or IFS) are all powerful tools for self-growth and can be used alongside counselling, CBT or coaching. All work to release the past through awareness and understanding.


When those memories and old stuck emotions are reframed and released, the resulting release in energy can be considerable. Post traumatic growth creates younger looking, brighter eyed, more vibrant clients. Clients often say it’s the start of a whole new chapter. Where they can begin to live more fully. And one with a newfound sense of inner peace.  

 

The past doesn’t have to continue to impact the future. Relive it, reframe it and release it to restore a brighter future.


 

What do you think? I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences.


I’m Debbie Jeremiah. I help individuals, leaders and groups to improve their work and lives, through regression and hypnotherapy. These are my own thoughts and opinions and as such, may contain inaccuracies and biases. Find out more about regression therapy and inner child work at https://www.debbiejeremiah.com/regression-and-inner-child


Results are unique to you and not guaranteed. For any concerns you should always consult your own medical practitioner first.


* Names and some details have been changed for anonymity


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